Found!

I was going through some stuff yesterday and came across some poems that I wrote about 7 years ago. I remember when I wrote them I was very homesick and down. I still wanted to share a few of them with everyone.

I see, you see

Scribbles on paper
Lines of confusion
words of no meaning
Nothing, non-existent, emptiness
that's all you see
Nothing of importance
I see everything when I read them
I see my true feelings
my lost dream
my confused thoughts
my inexpressible emotions
what you look at
may be nothing to you
Just remember that it may be
everything to someone


No title

I saw a girl who looked just like me
she wasn't me at all
she was smiling
while I was crying
she was beautiful
while I was ugly
She was loved
while I was unloved
she was happy
while I was sad
She was surrounded by people
while I was alone
She looked at me
as I looked at her
Then I realized I was her
I was how she felt inside


Life

Life is hard
but why does it have to be?
we could all be happy
and have everything we want
what would life be like if we did?
would we really be happy?
or would we still want more?
would we be content?
would we still fight?
would it be worse if we had everything
or are we happiest with nothing?


and my personal favorite of the bunch......

The girl in the mirror

Every now and then when I get the courage
to look in the mirror again... I cry
Not because I am sad
only because I don't believe she is me
the person in the mirror
is a little girl who is crying
I don't know why she is sad
I can only imagine
she appears to be beaten in some way
I think she was hurt by someone
her hair is stringy and dirty
like she hasn't taken a bath
she reaches out to me and tried to say something
but I don't listen
I just look away like I don't see her
like she doesn't exist
I think about her sometimes
but I am afraid to go back
I wounder what she was going to say
did she need my help?
was she trying to get away?
why did she come to me?
what could I do?
I couldn't do anything!
This poor little girl in the mirror
It is not her fault what was happening
she just couldn't get away
I wish I could help her
just do something, anything
even something small
just to free this little girl
who is.... me.


I still have a few more that maybe in time I will share some more. I just say these ones and thought someone would enjoy them. I know they are kind of depressing in a way but that is how I was feeling when I wrote them. I find it kind of funny because now I try and write more and nothing like these will come out. I hope you enjoy them.

Bored... So SOOOOOO Bored

I know I have a few post before this one but this weeks assignment is to post a welcome blog. So
WELCOME! lol. A little bit about me is I am 25 years old. I have a 3 year old son name Ian. I love him to death. I live with my boyfriend, Shane. I love him to death too. awww LOL. My sons father is currently deployed so I have him 7 days a week now which we (me and my son) are trying to adjust to. Kind of a power struggle at this point... I think I winning but who knows. I don't work right now I just go to school and play with my son. Shane does work at the casino near us. So I am home a lot bored. Facebook is one of my favorite past times... Mafia wars and farmville WOOHOO. LOL. If you wanna look me up on there feel free...http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/NicoleUnknown?ref=profile. I am pretty much an open book. I will answer any question someone might ask me no matter what it is. Just a warning though.... if you ask me a honest question expect a honest answer. Sometime people do not like what I have to say. I don't sugar coat either. lol My bestfriend loves taking me shopping with her just for that reason. Ok well I think I have started to trail off... a popular thing for me to do. lol. So I hope everyone has a GREAT night!

OH

and I think this blog with help with a lot also. It gives me a place to write down my thoughts and feelings. I was never good at keeping a diary so I like this a lot. I just wish that I had found it sooner. lol :)

Not looking for sympthy

So I got the news today that I have lost my baby. While this is a VERY hard time I felt that I should let people know that I will get better. I am going to turn this negative into a positive someway some how. I just think as long as no one is telling me their sorry, or asking about my pregnacy or anything like that. That it will make it a whole lot easier for me to get through this time. I am greatful that I have a very suportive boyfriend by my side as well as family and friends.

Waiting.....

For the doctors office to call me back. I had to go to the ER last night and I was told that I need to have my HGC level monitered untill I am far enough along to see the baby on an ultrasound. Found an OB that seems nice but they had to request my records from the ER to find out how urgent it is to test my levels. I hope they call me back soon and let me know because this waiting is killing me. Urg.

And it begins... lol

So this is the first blog that I have ever written. Now that I have my own "spot" to blog I think I am really going to like this. :) Sorry to all that read along about my life... it is kind of boring. lol